This Sunday, October 27 at 10 PM ET, Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network
will present the television premiere of a powerful new documentary, Bridegroom. It’s the story of an impossibly handsome
young couple in Los Angeles who were also perfectly, almost impossibly so, in
love. Tom Bridegroom was an aspiring actor and talented musician who had
relocated from rural Indiana; Shane
Bitney Crone a sometime actor and filmmaker from rural Montana. The ambitious duo traveled the world together,
documenting their adventures in video series they posted to the web. They had big plans.
But their time together was cut tragically short in 2011 when
at age 29, Tom was killed in a freak accident, falling four stories off the
roof of a friend’s apartment building.
The film arising from the couple’s devastating story – of pain and loss,
of hurt and forgiveness, of homophobia and yet also family bonding – is sure to
make you cry throughout. (And it doesn’t
hurt that Bridegroom was assembled largely
from Tom and Shane’s own homemade footage by executive producer Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, of Designing Women fame, who is certainly a
pro at evoking laughs and tears.) In
their attempt to whitewash Tom’s entire post-college life, and thus hopefully
erase the sin of his gayness, the Bridegroom family banned Shane and in fact
all of the couple’s Los Angeles friends from attending their son’s Indiana funeral. The immediate family has had no
contact since Tom’s death with either Shane or with the filmmakers who sought
their comment.
Bridegroom first
screened at the TriBeCa film festival earlier this year, where it won the Best
Documentary prize, and also this summer at Outfest, where it also won an award
for Outstanding Documentary Feature.
Last week, the film had its Los Angeles premiere. And the following afternoon, I had the chance
to sit down with both Shane and Linda, to talk about the project’s genesis and
more importantly, its impact.
Must-Hear TV: I can’t
imagine what your feelings are, seeing this completed film about your life and
love. I know you’re a producer of Bridegroom -- how many times have you
seen it so far?
Shane Bitney Crone: I’ve probably seen it 50 times now.
MHTV: Does it ever not evoke a visceral response in
you?
SBC: It can be very intense, going from festival
to festival with it. Lately, I’ve just waited
outside the theater. I don’t necessarily
sit there the entire time, because it is emotional for me. Sometimes it’s good for me just to step
outside and take a break.
MHTV: But you know when everyone leaves the theater,
they’ll be crying. And for audiences, in
a way, getting to meet you offers them consolation after having cried through
the film. I know that getting to express
my feelings to you made me feel better.
But is that hard for you to relive every time?
SBC: That’s one thing that a lot of people ask
me. “Isn’t it hard to continue telling
this story? Do you think that it’s good
for you?” But meeting people and sharing
this story has been healing, and has helped me in so many ways. There’s so much positive coming from it that
it makes it not depressing, and it makes me feel like I’m doing the right
thing. It’s great to have support on my
facebook and social networks, to hear from people that way, but meeting people
face to face has definitely been one of the best parts of all of this. I’ve met some incredible people, and heard
some amazing stories.
MHTV: People must want to pour their own stories
out to you, people who had either supportive or unsupportive families. What have been the most amazing stories you’ve
heard, where people have said, “This changed my life?”
SBC: I never realized before that what I’ve gone
through has happened to so many people. I
didn’t realize thousands of couples have gone through horrible
experiences. So for me, it wasn’t until
after I posted the YouTube video [called "It Could Happen To You," which sparked Bloodworth-Thomason’s interest
in making a film, and a kickstarter campaign to finance it] that I realized
that. So in a way, as much as this is my
story, or my film or Linda’s film, it’s really not. It’s the people’s film, because it represents
so many. I’ve heard from teenagers who said
that the story has prevented them from taking their own lives. Just to hear things like that, it just makes
you feel so grateful that it’s connecting with them on such a deep level.
And then to hear at some festivals from some really big men
who come up to me and say, “I’m a straight man.
Someone dragged me here and I didn’t know what to expect. I had never understood or supported marriage
equality – and now I’m sorry.” When I
hear things like that, wow! It makes me
think that this isn’t about me. It’s so
much bigger than me. And if sharing my
story is having that effect, then that’s what I have to do, keep sharing.
MHTV: I hate to suggest that there was a benefit
from Tom’s death, but at least his death has brought about this change, to open
people’s eyes and their hearts, and to save lives. At least his death wasn’t in vain.
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| Shane Bitney Crone |
MHTV: It seems like this whole experience has
galvanized your family, too, around you.
They were always supportive, but now they really have your back.
SBC: My mom is an amazing mom. It’s funny, because on facebook, she posts everything
that I’m doing, everything that’s happening.
People text me and say, “You know your mom is so proud,” and that makes
me feel so good. I’m happy that people get
to see my family, and see how important it is for families to support each
other. It’s interesting, because my
family and Tom’s family, they’re really not that different.
MHTV: As we see in the film, they started in the
same place, anyway. Conservative, rural,
Republican…
SBC: Exactly.
It’s such a powerful part of the film, to show how important it is for parents
to love their children unconditionally.
MHTV: What a contrast between them. One family says “We don’t understand this,
but we’re going to try to accept it,” and the other goes backward, stagnating
and threatening violence. What made the
families react so differently?
SBC: Someone asked me this morning, “Why do you
think your mom is so accepting and so supportive?” I was trying to come up with
the reason, but I don’t necessarily have an answer as to why my family is like
that. I’m just lucky that they are who
they are, and that they have the hearts that they do.
MHTV: Are they religious people, your family? The film has pictures of both you and Tom and
your families in churches growing up.
SBC: Kind of, but not too much. We went to church growing up, a Lutheran
church. But we weren’t like Tom’s
family, who talked about the Bible every morning at the table. They’re very religious. Maybe religion has a lot to do with it, but
at the same time, I don’t necessarily know what can cause people to decide to be
more accepting.
MHTV: This film will. I defy anyone, even if he or she doesn’t stand
up for gay marriage, to see a film depicting the death of this beautiful young
man, and the end of this loving relationship, and not cry. You’re not human if you’re not moved by it.
SBC: But I don’t really know how we’ll reach the
people we want to reach. I have a
feeling it’s going to be a situation where people who are struggling with being
gay can ask someone to watch the film. I
hope that that way, we can reach the people we need to.
MHTV: Could the film be a tool for coming out? Send it to your parents and say, “Watch this,
then we’ll talk.”
SBC: Yes. Growing
up, I wish there had been something like that for me, to help me say, “This is
me. I need you to love me unconditionally.” Of course there are shows now like Glee and Modern Family, which do help a lot of people. But at the time, I didn’t really have any shows like
that. It just goes to show how much film
and television can influence people.
MHTV: You and Tom were both really into film and
television from the beginning of your relationship.
SBC: I had convinced my family I’d wanted to move
to LA to be an actor, but I quickly realized it was more that I just wanted to
get here. I really just wanted to be in
a city where I could be me. But if growing
up I’d said, “I want to move to LA,” they’d ask why – so at least acting was a
reason I could give. But Tom and I did
film a lot of our life together, and planned a lot of projects. We did talk about making a documentary, but I
never imagined this would be the documentary we would make.MHTV: You and Tom first met Linda Bloodworth-Thomason at a wedding – and as she remembers, you said you were big Designing Women fans, as are lots of gay men. I know she meets thousands of them, in fact – but you guys made such an impression on Linda that she remembered you years later, when she saw your video on YouTube. Do you know how that happened?
SBC: I’m not really sure exactly, other than that
we had conversation with Linda about how we so desperately wanted to get
married someday when it was legal – but also, when we were ready. Because there was a short window when we
could have gotten married [in California], but we also didn’t want to go down
to the courthouse just because everyone was doing it at that moment. We wanted it to be special and spontaneous
like it is for other people. But to
think, though, about meeting Linda that night, and then four years later
meeting with her to talk about making a documentary about Tom – it’s kind of
surreal.
MHTV: We know from the film what Tom’s mother did
and didn’t do, and his father. But Tom
also had siblings. Did you have a
relationship with any of them? I’m
wondering why they didn’t stand up for you, or for what was right.
SBC: I think it has a lot to do with being in a
small town, and the whole idea that blood is thicker than water, like my mom
has always said. Family is all you
really have at the end of the day, and do you want to potentially risk losing
your relationship with your parents? I think
maybe that’s not worth the risk sometimes, so I try to be understanding and
respectful of that. And there are [more
distant] relatives of Tom’s who are supportive, who support me, and the film, and
the relationship.
MHTV: Does any of them have the name Bridegroom?
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| Tom Bridegroom April 22, 1982 - May 7, 2011 |
SBC: Yes, there are some Bridegrooms.
MHTV: It is an unusual name.
SBC: It is, and honestly I didn’t think about Tom’s
last name too much until I met with Linda.
She said, “Shane, do you realize the irony in his last name?!” And I realized, “You’re right, that’s pretty
crazy.”
MHTV: The way the film saves the double meaning of
the word for the reveal in the last shot, it’s like a gut punch. The irony hits you at that moment.
SBC: In fact, some people thought that we [the
filmmakers] put the name on the gravestone.
No! It just makes me feel like
maybe it was meant to be.
MHTV: You still haven’t heard from any of the main
Bridegroom family, though?
SBC: I haven’t.
I don’t know if I ever will hear from his parents. I want to send them the film, and hopefully
they’ll watch it. This could potentially
be the opportunity for them to help a lot of people. They could turn this around. Even if they just said, “Look, we made some
mistakes while struggling and trying to be okay with it.” Because a lot of people are struggling with that. People evolve and can change, and I think
they could really make a difference if they wanted to.
MHTV: You're still just 27. Where do you want to go from here?
SBC: I’m not sure what happens next. All I know is I’m trying to be in the moment,
and trust that everything will happen the way it’s supposed to.
MHTV: In terms of career? Are you a filmmaker?
SBC: Maybe, if there’s something I’m really
passionate about. This has turned into
my full-time job, just sharing this story.
I partnered with some organizations, like GLAAD and HRC. I might do a speaking tour of campuses, and
meet people. It scares me – I don’t like
the idea of public speaking. But if it
can help people, I feel like I can do it.
Bridegroom airs
this Sunday, October 27, at 10 PM ET on OWN, and on the same date, will also be
available on Netflix.
In addition, Shane Bitney Crone can be heard this Friday, October 25 at 1 PM Eastern / 10 AM Pacific on “The
Frank DeCaro Show” on Sirius XM’s OutQ radio.
