The Mad Men of May

This just in... I heard from a source today that AMC's cult hit Mad Men -- a show from Sopranos writer Matthew Weiner which is poised to become the same kind of watercooler hit for today -- will begin production of its third season on May 1 in Los Angeles.

No news yet on the Season 3 premiere date, but it's earlier been said to be "Summer 2009."  (Which means that, despite the network's and studio Lions Gate's original reluctance to pay Weiner what he's worth for this influential hit, it looks like we're actually back on track without appreciable delay.  Thank you, God and Don Draper!)

What is Claudia Jordan thinking?

On last night's Celebrity Apprentice, former Deal or No Deal suitcase rack Claudia Jordan lost out on any further chances of sucking up to The Donald while ostensibly earning a check for charity.  But not before delivering some choice insults to her teammate (and my fellow Penn grad) Melissa Rivers.

Now for one thing, let's pretend, just for a moment, that this show really is anything like corporate America.  (After all, Dennis Rodman continues to show up at work drunk and surly, while other, more competent people, get fired.  Yep, that sounds about right.)  It's never smart to gossip about a co-worker, because you KNOW your words are going to get around.  And to do it on camera?  Even more not-smart.

But here's the dumbest move of all:  picking on Joan Rivers' offspring.  An attache-case model entering into a war of words with a quick-witted legend like Joan?  That's like walking into a gunfight with only a water pistol... made of spun sugar.  I kept saying to Frank, "ooh, wait 'til Joan gets back.  She's gonna GET it...!"  But then, unfortunately, Claudia was sent off to the safety of that waiting losers' cab.

  

I can't wait to see what mincemeat mama lioness Joan makes of those who continue to cross her sweet Melissa!

Guiding Light goes to Orlando

All this week, CBS' long-running soap, the 72-year-old Guiding Light, has been getting some sunlight of its own. 

Far from both its New York soundstage and the town of Peapack, NJ, where the show shoots several days a week to capture real-life exteriors, much of the cast has spent the week at Universal Studios in Orlando, FL, for a storyline in which Lizzie Spaulding drags family and friends on a theme park vacation.

At both parks, as well as at the resort's Royal Pacific hotel, fans have gathered to watch their longtime favorite soap actors in this whole new setting.  Filming ends today -- but it's not over.  Tomorrow, Saturday March 21, the cast will be appearing in the main park's Mardi Gras parade, and will also be doing autograph signings at the park from 11AM - 5 PM.  For more information click here for the signing schedule, or call the park's information line at 407-360-8000.

How Fake (and how Boring) is this year's Celebrity Apprentice?

On Sunday night's installment of the Celebrity Apprentice, the 14 remaining contestants, on the Athena (women's) and KOTU (men's) teams, were tasked with selling wedding dresses.

It would seem like a task MADE for Dennis Rodman (who ended up being a no-show on the big day, much to Tom Green's chagrin).  And that would seem to make it guaranteed interesting TV.

But that's the problem with this celebrity installment.  As a hater of most reality shows, I used to herald The Apprentice as an exception, because it seemed to impart some actual business lessons (or at least office common sense) to its contestants, who were presented with challenges where their business plan and its subsequent results really matter.

Here, on the Celebrity version, it's all about who you know.  Don't feel like really selling those cupcakes?  Call a famous friend to send you a big fat check.  Not into the wedding gown thing?  Call Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis, who'll be happy to fork over 5 grand for a bit of national publicity.  At these (tax-deductible, since it's "for charity") prices, it's TV's biggest advertising bargain.

As a result, no contestant really needs to know anything, or really follow the directions of the task at hand.  Why bother even designing your wedding dress showroom if you know you're just going to hit up other celebs for donations anyway?  And the show suffers as a result.  It's fun to watch Joan Rivers peddle cupcakes.  It's not fun to watch Clint Black man his cell phone.

And here's the other part that bugged me on Sunday night.  We all know that those cab rides at the end, with the "fired" contestant, are faked, right?  That seems like a concession for TV, to give the Fired One time to confess his or her sins.  But on Sunday, here's what happened:  Tom Green overslept/spent time banging on Rodman's hotel room door, whichever version you believe.  As a result, the rest of the KOTU team left in the van without them.

When Tom did step out of the hotel, another van awaited, and he rode alone down to the showroom.  Now here's the thing.  The hotel (which by the way -- they used to stay in Trump Tower.  Since when have they been at the Trump International building, as shown this year?) is on Columbus Circle, on the west side.  The wedding dress showroom was also on the west side.  As far as I could tell, it was in the low 20s; restaurant Elmo, where Rodman and Herschel Walker stop for drinks "in the neighborhood," is at 20th St. & 7th Ave.

So if Tom Green's van was traveling from the hotel to the showroom, straight down the west side, what possible route could have taken it past the distinctive blue facade of 150 E. 42nd Street, which is on the east side between Lexington and 3rd Aves.?  (I'd know that building anywhere -- I worked there for 7 years.)  Something's fishy about that whole thing.  It seems like Tom's van ride was staged, just like those end-of-show confessional cabs.  NBC, what gives?

Help Ken and Tina land "The Best Job in the World"

Last April, I had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to travel on the first leg of The Amazing Race 13.  One of the teams who impressed me most was Ken and Tina Greene, the couple billed as "separated."

As anyone who watched the show's exciting finale undoubtedly remembers, Ken and Tina may have lost out on the $1 million prize by a mere 7 minutes, but they won by rediscovering their relationship along the way.  Ken re-proposed to Tina right there on the finish line, providing one of the show's all-time most emotional moments.

Now, as one of their possible next steps, Ken and Tina are trying to land what is billed as "The Best Job in the World," as the caretakers of Australia's Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef.  You can help them out by watching their video application, below, and then clicking here to cast your vote for team Greene.  And for more information on the couple themselves, visit www.kennyandtina.com.

Save the MPTF Hospital and Long-Term Care

To someone like me, who is currently struggling with the placement and long-term care of an elderly loved one, this message couldn't seem more timely or more personal.

You've undoubtedly heard of the Motion Picture & Television Fund's recent decision to close their hospital and Long Term Care facility on its famed Calabasas campus, a vital health-care institution established way back in 1921 by Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks.

Below, a video put together by Saving The Lives of Our Own, a group within the MPTF rallying for the patients' rights.  It's really compelling and moving.  To get involved, please visit www.SavingTheLivesOfOurOwn.org.

30 Rock Wins Big at the WGA Awards

On Saturday night in both New York and Los Angeles, the Writers Guild of America simultaneously handed out its annual awards.  The East Coast ceremony boasted such big names as 30 Rock's Tina Fey, Judah Friedlander and Jack McBrayer; Law & Order's S. Epatha Merkerson, Alana de la Garza, Linus Roache and Sam Waterston; comedy legends Jerry Stiller & Anne Meara; Curb Your Enthusiasm's Susie Essman; Ugly Betty's Ana Ortiz; The Daily Show's Aasif Mandvi and John Oliver; Gilbert Gottfried; Bill Irwin; Doubt screenwriter John Patrick Shanley; former thirtysomething star Polly Draper with her kids, "Naked Brothers" Matt and Alex Wolff; VH1's Paul F. Thompson; Oz creator Tom Fontana and Mad Men stars John Slattery and Talia Balsam.

As a "celebrity wrangler," my job was to pluck many of the presenters out of the audience and usher them backstage at just the right time.  It was a great excuse to share even a few moments with writers and actors I admire, and in the case of such greats as Stiller & Meara, have admired my whole life.

As far as winners, 30 Rock and Mad Men defeated all comers.  Early on in the night, Anne Meara referenced Tina Fey in the audience, begging for her to employ Jerry Stiller on her show, to get him out of the house.  (Although Meara let the audience know that that was merely banter scripted on her cue cards.)  Later, Tina was there to applaud as two of her writers, John Riggi and Andrew Guest, won the Best Episodic Comedy award for the episode entitled "Succession."  Tina was then up on stage with all her writers when 30 Rock took the trophy for Best Comedy Series - - and then again, accepting on behalf of Saturday Night Live, the Comedy/Variety series winner.  She was only involved on the periphery of SNL this fall, she said, when the show produced 8 live episodes (including those Thursday night specials) in the space of 6 weeks.  "It was great to see those f---ers have to work that hard," Tina had to admit.

And of course the other show which continues to have writers -- and everyone else -- abuzz is AMC's drama Mad Men.  We got to see one of that series' handsome stars, John Slattery, on stager twice on Saturday night:  first, as he and wife Talia Balsam presented the awards for Long Form Adaptation and Long Form Original, but more excitingly a second time, as Slattery again took to the stage on behalf of Mad Men, the winner for Best Drama Series.

In other "wrangling" news from my viewpoint, Ana Ortiz looked spectacularly beautiful, at I think 4 months pregnant, in a vintage gown with just a hint of baby bump under her pink skirt.  Jack McBrayer turned out to be adorably like his character, 30 Rock's NBC page Kenneth:  when I introduced myself to him and told him I'd be coming to get him later, his answer had a very Southern, very friendly and formal "sir" in it.  "Yes sir."  And of course, then there's Susie Essman (who by the way says things are going "very well" in the filming of this newest season of Curb, which started back in December.)

I had brought her backstage a little early, and so Susie was given her cue cards of her category's nominees while John Patrick Shanley was accepting the Ian McLellan Hunter Award for lifetime achievement in writing, with a speech that harkened back all the way to the drama of the ancient Greeks.  At the end, Susie, who had been studying her cards, looked up and asked me, "What the f--- did he say?"  THAT's why I love her!

I saw it in the window and just couldn't resist it!

If you watched PBS' excellent recent multi-part series, Make 'Em Laugh, you saw a clip of one of TV's longest sustained laugh breaks in history, from CBS' classic The Carol Burnett Show (1967-78).

Interestingly, the laugh came not from a punchline, but from an ingenious visual, as, in one of their beloved movie parodies, Carol and company sent up Gone With the Wind in 1976.  In "Went With the Wind," "Starlet," in order to impress "Rat" Butler, frets over what to wear.  Of course, she ends up wearing the drapes -- thanks to a brilliant idea from costume designer Bob Mackie, curtain rod and all.

Now, 33 years later, Mattel has come out with a strikingly lifelike doll of Starlet and her famous green velvet curtain ensemble.  This limited edition collectible from the Barbie Pink Label collection is 11.5 inches tall, with an outfit re-created by Bob Mackie to match his famous original.  Click here for a link to the doll on amazon.com.

I have a few of Mattel's Barbie-as-Lucy dolls, and I hadn't known that the company was even planning on issuing a likeness of another of TV's great comediennes, Carol Burnett.  But, to quote Starlet, "I saw it in the window and just couldn't resist it!"

Enjoy Sabor de Soledad

Now with more bull semen!

On the set of CSI

Last month during the Television Critics' Convention, I had the opportunity to go on the set of CSI and pose among the show's realistic props.  For one thing, TV's version of a city's crime lab is, sadly, often better-funded and has better equipment than real labs in many cities.  And in the photos at right, can you spot which corpse is a real live human, and which is just a mass of latex?  Here's a hint:  when he opened his eyes after the shot was taken, I jumped out of my skin.

In the upcoming issue of CBS' Watch magazine, I interviewed Laurence Fishburne about taking over the reins as the new guy in the CSI crime lab.  And for the current issue on newsstands, I checked in with the show's writers, as they were writing their goodbye to William Petersen's character, to compile a list of the top "deadly dozen" Gil Grissom moments.  Click here for the story.